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GRAVEYARD DREAMS, anders & nolani
Posted: Apr 12 2018, 10:51 AM
Whispering, he heard it, loud scratching in the corners of his mind—there was sound and then there was no sound, it was loud, it was too quiet, the quiet was loud—he was lost, falling, continuously falling, his mind nothing more than a dream long lost at this point, images in his mind of people he didn’t recognize, clutching through the air to grab them—they stayed out of reach, hands swiping at nothing, remembering nothing, gaining nothing… blackness, it consumed him, the shrouds were coming up over his feet, covering his body in cold, everything was SO COLD and there was nothing left, no light, no reason—someone else was there and he watched them fight, raised voices just interrupting the scratching and he wanted it to stop, wanted them to stop—he called out to them but couldn’t hear himself, his face hardly recognizable as it contorted into a grotesque snarl, lips pulling taut, teeth urging to bite, to sustain, to kill—he’d drown himself in the blood of the pair across from him and he’d finally be free, free of the twisted decisions in his gut, there wouldn’t be a choice anymore, he could live—the scratching, it kept him going, a continuous tick in his head that drowned out his thoughts, it drowned out the faces, the words, the hands on him.
He was bound stationary, flat on his back, feeling nothing, feeling everything—he wanted to push forwards the thoughts that were holding him back, to reach them again, but there was nothing he could do, he was gone—he couldn’t remember his name, he couldn’t remember their names, nothing had a name, not anymore
HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME
Muscles pulled against empty space, he couldn’t move, couldn’t change it. His lips bled lies when each mangled, wordless sound left his throat, he could feel it, he tried to talk but there was nothing left, he wasn’t Carver anymore he was just nothing—empty space
Bound to a half life, fingers scratching to mimic that sound in his head, scratching himself, scratching the walls, bleeding his fingers into pulp, they bled black now, he wasn’t him anymore, there was no chance to be him anymore. Muddy faces before him, deciding his fate, casting judgment, he couldn’t hear them, didn’t understand the warbled conjecture leaving their mouths—he wanted to kill, wanted to attack them, they should have been attacking him, he was trapped, body and mind, trapped to a life he couldn’t possibly understand, there was nothing there, nothing but the scratching, the scratching, it was getting in the way of his need to stay him, him, he wasn’t him
there was no him
there was just
Posted: Apr 12 2018, 05:28 PM
"Are ya fucking kidding me?" Nolani couldn't believe what Anders was asking. The creature snarled as she threw her gaze back up at Anders. He had to know, didn't he? He had to know what a ghoul looked like, when the taint spread to a point of no return. She couldn't recall his Joining in detail, wondering if he drank before Mhairi, and thus had not seen her transition.
Nolani remembered her's. How Duncan had paused after Daveth had drank, and waited, as the corruption took him swiftly. She kept the pendant still, although she'd scratched out the name of the coward, not finding his memory much worth preserving.
"No," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Daveth had looked so much better than this when he died, and so had Mhairi, and all the other failures she'd overseen over the last decade as a Warden. "Creators, Anders." She grimaced at the ghoul as it writhed in its magical prison.
"Look at the bastard. How long has he been like this?" Nolani stepped closer, inspecting the ghoul. It barely resembled a shemlen anymore except in build. His eyes had gone silver and she could see the corruption in the veins at his temples and hands. The ghoul was one breath away from being darkspawn, for all she cared. Nolani was disgusted Anders had kept him alive as long as he had. How long had Anders planned on waiting? There was no conceivable way for him to know they would encounter each other in these Deep Roads.
It raved, and Nolani's face contorted with contempt. "It's beyond saving," she shook her head. Glancing up at Anders, she did feel a little sorry for her kind-hearted friend. "Ya said ya tried something before? Why the hell would ya ask me then, knowing this was the result?" She also didn't feel like losing a finger or two while forcing the fucking thing to drink.
Posted: Apr 13 2018, 04:26 PM
Anders was chewing on his thumbnail, arms crossed as he stared at Carver. To be honest, he knew better. He should have killed the other man days ago--if not weeks ago. This was agony, watching him, and he could only imagine what Carver felt. A breath left his lips as Nolani spoke, and let his hands fall to his sides.
"I know." Anders spoke quietly. He knew that Carver was probably past saving but he had to try. He owed the other man that much at least. Not to mention the way his chest became tight with the knowledge that Carver might actually die. It was more than just owing Hawke or trying to make amends. It was so much more than that and if the stupid templar didn't survive then he couldn't ever tell him.
"It probably won't work, I know that, but I have to try. He's like this because of me. And I," Anders trailed off with a harsh breath, reaching up to pull his hair free from the tie that held it up. He drug his hands through his hair, curling his hands against his scalp before he turned to face Nolani.
Maker, he never thought he'd see her again. Never wanted to because he knew that he would be in a world of hurt if he did. In this moment, he was grateful to see her. Grateful that he had at least one friend right now. "I did something yes, but it wasn't right. Because I don't know what I'm the bloody hell I'm doing. Just like before, I was impulsive and stupid and thought it would help and it did the opposite and..."
Anders swallowed, glancing back at Carver before he stepped towards Nolani. His hands rested against her shoulders, a daring move for anyone that wasn't on good terms with the woman.
"Please....just try it. And....if it doesn't...if it doesn't work I'll kill him myself." That's if the joining itself didn't kill him. Anders knew a normal healthy person fared a 50/50 shot of surviving. Carver was far from healthy. He was barely even a person.
Posted: Apr 14 2018, 01:31 PM
He knew. He said. Nolani huffed. He thought he was being kind. He was looking at the ghoul and seeing his friend. She understood. She was looking at the ghoul... and the Dread Wolf take her, but she saw Tamlen. She clenched her teeth against the memory, suffering unwillingly as she recalled the pressure of her blade through his sickened flesh. The pop of his ribs, her sword through his chest, his heart. Blood black as any darkspawn's as she collected his body against her, and held him as the blood puddled beneath her knees. She had considered that a boundless mercy, and believed Tamlen would have preferred death over living as a baseless monster. If his conscious had been in there, she hoped that it had sighed in relief with unspoken thanks.
It wasn't as if she'd wanted to kill her friend. Death had been the best choice. Anders was being selfish, holding on until the face was unrecognizable to him, when the shem's face was unrecognizable as a shem to everyone else.
Nolani took a steeling breath. "We should just kill it. I'll do it if ya can't." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Anders scratch his scalp in agitation. He spoke with sadness, his good intentions lined with a bitter understanding that he'd made it worse. He just wanted it better. And after everything she'd heard about him, from him, he was willing to try the craziest fucking things to make them better.
She listened, but refused to look at Anders even as he touched her shoulders. Grinding her teeth, she cursed quietly at first, and then swore in elvish out loud. "Fine. But if it starts doing weird shit, or takes my finger, I'm beating it to death. Can I get to it if it's in that magic thing?"
A large pouch on her belt had been made specifically to carry joining materials. Flipping it up, she yanked out the secured vials of lyrium, herbs, and archdemon blood from the Fifth Blight. She paused then, not having a chalice. Improvising, Nolani yanked off her coin purse, tossed them in a heap, then tossed the herbs in the pouch. "Where's the blood?"
There was no gathered blood. Why would there be? Nolani sighed and licked her lips. "Don't freak the fuck out," she told Anders, placing the vial on a steady surface. Taking her own dagger, she slit a deep groove in her palm with a tiny snarl then held it over the vial to collect. Avernus had told her his potion granted a finer mastery of the taint in her own body, so she hoped that meant strengthening it.
Combining the rest of the ingredients, Nolani put the cap on the bottle and shook it as she approached the ghoul. "If this works, I'm kicking yer ass," she warned Anders.
Nolani crouched beside the ghoul, placing a knee on it's upper chest. "All right, ugly," she sneered at the ghoul. She smacked her hand on it's forehead, pinning it there for good measure, and shoved the vial between its teeth. "Let's see if ya become a Warden."
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